


This Time

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mass Effect Spoilers, One Shot, Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 00:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6776773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it can be bittersweet to reflect on good times and bad once the war is all over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Time

The first time he’d seen her, he’d wondered what sort of person was hidden behind that tough but beautiful façade. He was curious to know if she was the same type of soldier he’d met repeatedly over the years that was more concerned with themselves and their own success than with the wellbeing or achievement of others. By the time he realized that she was, in fact, compassionate and caring on top of being deadly and ambitious, he’d missed his window of opportunity to garner her attention without breaking the rules. He continued watching her work and enjoying her company while toying with the idea of disregarding regs. Just this once.

The first time he’d pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, her cheeks had flushed bright red. That little half-smile appeared on her lips and her arms had wrapped around his waist even tighter. It was the moment he’d known that he’d made the right choice throwing the books out the window. This woman had been well worth the risk and, though he felt like a giddy teenager, this was as it should be. The sparkle in her eyes had been enough to understand that this was no mere fling.

The first time that he’d realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, they were surrounded by enemies and she’d flashed him a glorious smile in the midst of chaos. He’d loved before, though the ache that thrummed deeply in his chest at that moment was shockingly different than anything he’d felt previously. It struck him as simultaneously strange and somehow fitting as gunshots rang overhead and explosions blossomed in the distance. It was the most inconvenient and unlikely of times for his emotions to rise to the surface, when they were fighting for their lives and she was covered in dust and blood, but he cherished it more than almost any memory.

The first time he’d lost her, he’d literally watched his world crumble over the icy expanse of Alchera. He was sure that she’d taken his heart with her into the great beyond. The sounds of her last breaths mixed with static over the comms haunted his nightmares. His regret over being unable to help her or deny her final orders nearly drove him to the breaking point. She never would have wanted that, however, and so he pressed on. Alone. Heartbroken. Alive, just barely, when she was not.

The first time they’d fought, he’d felt a knife twist cruelly in his back. He’d asked himself how anyone could defy the very laws of organic life, even when he’d wanted to believe her claims. It made about as much sense as the idea that she’d apparently abandoned her morals and allegiances to join an ethically corrupt organization. Somehow still, the tiniest flame of hope had flickered to life in his long-broken heart, but his mind hadn’t been ready to accept the possibility. He’d pushed her away in order to protect all that was left of him. It had taken a very long time to accept the fact that people change and that while she had seemed so different, some things had remained the same. She still made the most crushing choices and sacrifices for the benefit of the galaxy. Almost no one saw it that way, even him.

The first time he’d realized that she was as hopelessly in love as he was, he’d chuckled and it hurt. He had been confined to a bed, battered and broken, knowing that she’d pulled him from the edge herself. Fueled by adrenaline, fear, and determination, she’d carried him away from death on her shoulders. Rather than sending word to say that she hoped he was feeling better after their fateful mission on Mars, she showed up in person. While a war brewed and the many races of the galaxy depended on her to save them, she made time to visit him in the hospital whenever he reached out to her, as though it was a mere stroll down the street.

The first time that he’d felt like a failure had come as a surprise as he watched her run off to try and save the galaxy all alone. She’d been half a heartbeat away from retreating at his side to fight another day. They both knew, however, that another day would never come. Even after they’d said what he himself had claimed were their goodbyes as they prepared for an insurmountable obstacle, the reality of the situation had hit him like a sledgehammer. He felt his world, his dreams, and his hopes shatter as she turned her back and steeled herself for what she had to do… and she was strong enough to do it with or without him.

The first time that he’d held her dog tags, it had been in a playful gesture to bring her lips closer to his. She’d moved along with the gentle tugging without hesitation or fear. That little smirk disappeared when he’d captured her and kissed her breathless. He remembered everything about that moment. Her smell, her taste, her fingers lacing through his hair. This time wasn’t like that. His fingers closed around the charred, battered tags, his expression stony.

He closed up all of those memories fondly and tightly in his heart, just like his fist clenched around the tiny symbol of her service for the Alliance. For humanity. For the galaxy.

This wasn’t the first time that they’d been separated by duty, loyalty, distance, or even death. But it certainly did feel like the last.


End file.
